Today I’m continuing my series called the C Word: A series based on providing tips for people and other photographers who might be dealing with people/families with cancer. Disclaimer: These are my thoughts and opinions. My goal is to help people understand more about those with cancer –  their journey and their thoughts. I’m not an expert by any means – my father was diagnosed with cancer only 3 years ago – but I feel as though this may be helpful to some. Take or leave it. 

To get caught up in the series, you can read Tip #1 here, and Tip #2 here.

Tip #3: Make Memories.

When I started writing this series, I got an email from an old friend of mine. Her aunt passed away from cancer this past year; here are her two cents about my series: I wish we would have had more pictures of her with us doing normal things. Grabbing lunch, playing with my younger cousin, celebrating Christmas. Pictures that showed her full of energy and life. She was tired, weak and fragile in the last stage of her disease, and that's not how I want to remember her. When I look back at all of the wonderful times I had with my aunt, I just wish we would have had more photos. Silly, fun, random photos.

Today's post is much more practical. Here's something you can do with very little effort: make memories. Did you notice I didn't say, "Take more pictures"? You see, taking pictures for the sake of taking pictures and making memories are two different things. Let me explain the two...

- Right before dad's surgery in September, I did a photo shoot of my parents. Their first official photo shoot with me - I've photographed them before, but never like this. This was intentional - we set out with the purpose of creating beautiful photographs of just the two of them. (And boy... they're beautiful! Go look at them here!).

- The very next day, dad was admitted into the hospital for some pre-surgery procedures. Throughout the day, I made it a priority to capture those memories. (You can view them here.) Waiting for the doctors; mom and dad's goodbye; dad's hospital room; etc. I knew someday those photos would mean a lot to us - maybe even more then the photos I had taken of the two of them just the day before.

Take a look at these two photos below.

They're taken only a day apart, and yet they have completely different meanings. One photo was taken for the purpose of being a photo and the other was taken while a moment was happening.

Here's my point (yes, I'm almost done)... DO BOTH! Step 1: Make memories. Step 2: Take pictures while you're making memories. Go grab lunch, go to the fair, climb a tree, fix a car, make cookies, go shopping, take a detour, stop at the market. Then... take pictures. On your phone, on your point and shoot, on your humongous professional-level camera - it really doesn't matter which.

Step 3. Enjoy. Enjoy life while you can.

Side note: (Insert shameless plug here) When was the last time you had family pictures done? Not formal portraits... but REAL photos taken by a professional photographer that capture the essence of who you are as a family? Do you have those memories? What's that you say? You need photos done? You're at the right place. Click here. End side note.

Today I'm continuing my series called the C Word: A series based on providing tips for people and other photographers who might be dealing with people/families with cancer. Disclaimer: These are my thoughts and opinions. My goal is to help people understand more about those with cancer –  their journey and their thoughts. I’m not an expert by any means – my father was diagnosed with cancer only 3 years ago – but I feel as though this may be helpful to some. Take or leave it. 

To get caught up in the series, you can read Tip #1 here.

Tip #2: Admit You Don't Understand.

I remember when I had to tell my friends dad had been diagnosed with cancer. I used the easy approach - Facebook status update and mass texting. The less interaction with people the better (at least I thought so). Because in reality, being the one telling the awful news is almost as bad as being the one hearing the awful news. One word: Awkward. You know the feeling. Your best friend's dog just died and you don't know whether to look on the bright side, or to hold them as they cry? Yeah. Pretty awkward feeling, huh?

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Over the years (only 3 years, but it feels like an eternity), it's become less awkward to tell people; I'm a bit more comfortable. However, there are some responses that are really hard for me to hear. Like this one: Oh, I totally understand how that feels! My pet turtle (or insert obnoxiously lame situation here) died of cancer last week and it was really hard on me.

Here's where I go back to Tip #1: We're all different. We all handle situations differently... and it's great when you want to comfort someone and tell them you know exactly how they feel. But often... you don't. You just really don't get it. It's completely unknown to you. And unknowns are scary places to go.

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Here's what YOU can do: Tell them you don't understand (even if you think you do, you don't). This sets the ground work for vulnerability and honesty. If you're honest with them about your complete lack of experience/knowledge with this, they may be more willing to be honest and vulnerable with you about how they feel.

Here's what else you can do: Be humble. The last thing someone needs is for you to think you know everything. Respect their situation - be humble. In my experience, the easiest people to open up to are the people that are the most humble and gentle. Even though I may know a little bit about cancer and what it feels like to be affected by it, I still do my very best to be humble and respectful when speaking with someone else that either has cancer, or their family has been affected by it.

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Here's another thing to think about: Ask them if it's ok if you ask them questions. If they say no, STOP. If they agree, ask them the awkward, uncomfortable questions that no one likes to think about. Like, What does it feel like? How are you really doing? Are you scared? 

By asking questions in a humble, respectful way, it shows them you're genuinely interested. Remember, unknowns are scary places. But this is an unknown for them too - they've never done this before either! Be honest, be humble, and  if you know them well enough (and they're willing), dive into those hard questions. They may just need to open up and share what's on their heart.

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