Recently, God's been teaching me a lot about rest. (Again?? Didn't we already go through this?? Yeah yeah... I'm a slow learner!) What it is. What it isn't. How it's done.

Now, I'm a list girl. Grocery lists. To-Do lists. Things to pack lists. Thing to clean lists. Things to do someday lists.

So naturally, simply adding "rest" to my list of to-dos seemed completely logical. (Cause I'm completely logical most of the time - thanks for that, dad!)

But I found that when I sat down to "rest and relax" it was one more thing to get done... it wasn't rest. It didn't feel like taking a break. And when it didn't feel like I was accomplishing my to-do list... it turned to guilt. Guilt because I had to get stuff done... Guilt because I wasn't getting anything done. Guilt because I need to get stuff done in order to be feel accomplished today!

Oh wait. Now I have a guilt list.

 So much for rest.

Psalm 94: 19 says, "When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul." 

Rest isn't a thing to do. It's a state of mind.

"Be still, and know that I am God."

"Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

"My presence shall go with you, and I will give you rest."

I am not defined by the things I get done. I am not defined by how clean my house is. I am not defined by how well my business runs. I am not defined by the clothes I wear or the food I eat.

I am defined by Christ. I am His and He is mine.

Today I'm setting down guilt, and picking up rest instead. Will you join me?

Sunil, I have known you for 7.3 years. We first met at Fourth Baptist, the church my family moved to when I was 13 years old. I was just finishing 7th grade, and you were heading into your senior in high school. It  seemed as though we were ages apart - 4 years is a huge gap when I was 13 and you were 17. But for some reason, I was completely drawn to you. The way you loved people fascinated me. The way you pursued Christ intimidated me. I couldn't get you off my mind.

Fast forward 5 years. October 13, 2010. You're done with college, I'm done with high school. Even though you had always treated me as a little sister... something changed. I wasn't your little sister anymore, I was your close friend. Your equal. You sought out my opinion, listened to my heart, and admired my skills as a new business woman. I made you waffles (no, I ruined you waffles), introduced you to Harp and Bowl (and forever scarred your Baptist brain!), texted you happy birthday at 12:01 am and secretly prayed that you would notice me. That you'd be drawn to me. That maybe somehow there'd be a chance that you couldn't get me off your mind.

Fast forward another year. October 13, 2011. We were hopefully in love (I don't believe in hopeless love). I was still living in Minnesota but God had called you to Kansas to grow, stretch, and change you. We had been dating for 10 months, but hadn't seen each other in 2. It was the darkest, most discouraging and most challenging period of our entire relationship to date. You showed up in my basement that night, surprising me a day earlier than we planned. A ring on my finger, a kiss on my lips, and a date set for our future. A date I couldn't get off my mind.

Today is October 13, 2012. It's your birthday again. Today at 4:45 pm we'll have been married for 6 months and 26 days, and I can't imagine life without you. No one told me how amazing life would be when I was married to my best friend... You show me Christ each and every day, and I can't wait to grow old with you.

Thank you for teaching me about grace.

Happy birthday. I love you.

PS. You've been gone since yesterday, and you don't get back until tonight. I can't get you off my mind. Please be safe. :)