Lots of people told me I would get major culture shock going to India. But not many people warned me about the culture shock I would receive when I arrived home, and the perspective that would drastically change. Because it does change. It may not hit hard right away, but when things suddenly slow down and life is staring you in the face, reality becomes an ugly mirror of just who I am and what I do. Dreams. Hopes. Goals. As the year draws to a close, I look back at what I've accomplished, where I've been, and who I've invested in and I feel... well...
In a country and a culture that is focused on becoming big and famous, this feeling of insignificance is met with disappointment and frustration. But I wanted my business to be further along by now, I say to my husband as tears inevitably make it hard to continue. I want to invest in more people. I want to be busy. I want to live my dream.
I don't want to be small.
Because sometimes it feels like being small means I may not be noticed. That I may live a simple life in comparison to some people. That I may never be a millionaire, or run for president, or be recognized in the public view. But being small doesn't mean I can't impact anyone. Being small doesn't mean that I can't have hopes and dreams. Being small doesn't mean that I can't set a goal and achieve it.
Being small means God is big and I am small.
Now, you may be thinking - what does this have to do with these weird leaves?
Well, actually... nothing.
But sometimes when I grab my camera and go explore...
And sometimes when I get down on my hands and knees and study the small things...
And sometimes when I watch the sunrise melt the frost...
It reminds me that small doesn't mean insignificant.
Small doesn't mean ugly.
So I will dry my tears, renew my hopes, and make new goals.
Because being small isn't something to be afraid of.